I Give Up.

If you're worried I'm talking about life, don't be, I'm not.
I meant I give up on that thing I had going for Zackey, I can feel it fading. It'll always be there in some way, but I've found I'm so much more comfortable being his friend. And I give up letting everything bother me as much as it does, I need to just let it roll off my turtle shell and stay packed away. And not in the bottle I was talking about.
Sure, I'm still going to have weak moments when I'm alone, or when I just have too many feelings, but that system was flawed to begin with. It doesn't work. Besides that, I've found something that makes me happy. This boy, his name's Matt and I've liked him since 8th grade. I'm in 9th now, and last Monday he asked me out.
So yeah, I have a boyfriend. He's got this form of autism though, so he doesn't hold my hand or put his arm around me or anything, and yeah, that makes me sad sometimes, but I knew what I was getting myself into when I told him yes. To make up for the not really looking me in the eyes or no physical contact thing, he's sweet. And he's adorable. He's smart, smarter than me, and might be going away to a prestigious school next year, unfortunately. I'm happy for him, so very happy, but I've got that selfish part of me that wants to hold on and not let go. He asked me out in the cutest way too. It wasn't anything really special, but it made me feel nice. He walked up to me Monday morning and said "Emily, I have a question for you." And by this time, because as I've said, I've liked him for a while, I was curious and I had this little flare of hope inside me. And he looked down at the ground, then back up at me and said "It's taken me a lot of courage to ask you this." And I was mentally freaking out now, because I knew where this was going. Then he finished with "Will you go out with me?" And I smiled my best smile and I said, "Yes, I will." Then I walked over to Zackey and freaked out as quietly as possible.
I don't know if I told you this before, but my last boyfriend, Drake [not the really annoying one I've complained about before, a different one.] broke up with me because I refused to tell my parents because they would've made us break up anyways. Well, this time, I told my mom. And she was kinda mad at first, but then I threw the rule she told me in her face, that as long as I didn't go on a legit date with him I could 'date' him, and she dissolved into a smile and said, "Yeah, you're right." My dad likes him, a lot, but I didn't tell my dad because he's not important and he would freak out for no reason. My mom even said I shouldn't tell him. Just because you never know what his reaction will be to something. He's bipolar in this weird way where sometimes he just gets into weird moods.
Anyways, back to my boyfriend. I'm just comfortable around him, and he makes me smile and laugh and even though I don't get that physical contact that makes the butterflies in my stomach jump around, I still love being around him.
And it's almost spring, and I love spring, and the sun is bright, and I just don't see a reason why anything should be bothering me right now, so I'm not letting it.
     Maybe this time my happiness will last longer than a second.
xx~Emily

All Of Your Love - Hellogoodbye